Why a Lesbian?

I have a constant blog going on in my head, so I finally decided to get it out. I always thought I would do it by way of a book, but being that I try to stay fresh with technology, and blogging isn't even anything new, it appears high time I try it out.

I suppose I'm starting with "Why a Lesbian" because whenever I feel I need to explain myself to someone, and then do so in my head, it always comes back to "so are you really surprised that I'm a lesbian?" I realize most people don't feel the need to explain themselves, but for some reason, I do.

In 2004 I found myself at a crossroads. I stood there in the middle of the intersection and saw the following roads to choose from:

"Jesus Way" isn't exactly the road you would expect it to be. It had twists and turns. Left turns, right turns, the occasional WWJD, cross and angel. But mostly it was not a clear path. It was dark and foggy. Thick with oppression. My parents were there whaling for my salvation. Praying in tongues and gathering a multitude to pray that I would choose their road.

"Rainbow Place" was a yellow brick road. Blue skies, white fluffy clouds, and of course rainbows everywhere. The people along the road seemed so free and light as if they could fly. They seemed to have a deep understanding of pain, betrayal, and how to go on living anyway.

"Victim Cir" was so dark. It went round and round and the neighborhoods seemed to lose value with every lap. Each home had a place for me to give myself to someone. None of the homes were mine.

"Ambivalent Blvd" spiraled around and intersected with each road. It lead nowhere and had no direction. You get the idea.

So, as I lay with a woman (my friend and neighbor) for the first time, I pictured this crossroads and heard the deafening sound of my mother praying in tongues for my soul, of which was surely on its way to hell (if not before, for sure now). I knew right then that I could walk away and there would be no hard feelings. She would understand and I.... well, I would be left with the other three roads to choose from. I also knew that Rainbow Place would be forever. There would be no turning back. I know me well enough to know that I would spend the rest of my life there, and honestly, the idea of that was the most refreshing feeling I had ever had. My life was about to change for good, and I was more than ready!

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying being gay is a choice. Once I was finally exposed to the opportunity, everything all of a sudden just made sense. I'll explain more later.

So, "Why a Lesbian?"
Is it because I was continuously molested as child?
Is it because I was sexually assaulted by various male family members?
Is it because I was raped in my early twenties?
I suppose those are good reasons if they help you swallow the answer, but the true answer is simple. I'm a lesbian because I fell in love with a woman, and this woman is the only person who has ever shown me what TRUE LOVE really is.